I was at a big meeting at work, wherein the room was full of lots of people I didn’t know, when my brain honed in on the woman in front of me and piped up. This is never a good thing.

Brain: Wow. We don’t know her. But her hair’s a mess!

Me: That’s not very nice. She’s probably perfectly nice. Besides, our hair isn’t the greatest, you know.

Brain: No, it isn’t, but honestly. Who cut her hair? Did they use a knife?

Me: Maybe she fell asleep with gum in her mouth and it fell out and she had to chop it all off. It was probably upsetting and traumatic for her.

Brain: Why didn’t she use peanut butter to get it out? Who doesn’t know that trick?

Me: Maybe she’s allergic to peanuts. If Shannon ever gets gum in her hair, we’ll have to do something else to get it out since she’s allergic to nuts.

Brain: She still shouldn’t have fallen asleep with gum in her mouth. She’s lucky it fell out into her hair. She could have choked to death. Hey! We’re chewing gum right now! I kinda really want to put it in her hair.

Me: That would be fun! We’d better get up and leave before we actually do it.

At which point my brain and I were grateful we had a dentist appointment we had to go to which provided us with a reason to leave.